ok sadness be gone i think

do you know what i don't like being sad all the time it makes my friends sad to so I'll chary my best not to be sad but my life is not all rainbows and unicorns but i will do my best for my friends seak

happy birthday (chanel beazer)

OK this blog is mostly a birthday thing for Chanel but I'm 5 days late the reason for that is i was busy with work and other stuff for like a few days i wasn't Sher about making this blog post but i will for her but this mite not put me back to her good graces it all up to her if it does or not but I'll still be her friend even if she dose not want me to anyway what makes a good friend is doing stuff like this so. it bin a week sens i posted this and i still don't know how to write it when she and i were friends on facebook we started a new friendship bast on the past and i like the past so the last 4 years my mind was stuck there mostly because that's when i was most happy so i kept my mind there but you can't live in the present and have your mind in the past i learned the hard way by Chanel blocking me on facebook and now not emailing me or talking to me now i know full well that basing a friendship on the past is not good. and honestly i didn't think that Chanel was a sister to me when i was 11 or after that i started thinking that way 6 years ago or less then that and now i feel that way alot more sense she blocked me and stopped emailing me and talking to me the feeling of loss that's why I'm sad. all i want is for thing to go back to the way when she didn't block me and i think different now sens i turned 21 I'm done with the past I'm not saying I'm done remembering the past but i want to move on to now because my friends are now they were in the past and now there in the now and are going to be in the future so I'm saying truthfully that chanel her ans my childhood friendship is done. but chanel and i started a new one 2years ago. so we only bin friends for two years which is not that long. but are friendship is now being destroyed because i didn't admit to myself that the past was gone and is never coming back. so here's the thing we here in the past and are friends are in the present thats chanel,maddy,sam,megan,gina,josh,ryan rolls,ryan liang,randy liang,channy. so i thought when me and chanel were emailing each other like a years ago or less that if i stade in the past then i'll loss chanel and the rest of my friends but if i followed them to the present then i can be with them so honestly what would you rather chose stay in the past and loss your friends or follow them to the present and foge new friendship with them. sorry chanel this was your birthday thing but it turned into this but your kind gentle vary beautiful smart beaond your years you make friends like picking sweet sterrwbarrys your vary sweet in your own way i love you and i do miss you even thou we bin friends for only 2 years your a treasure to all your friends including me happy 22st birthday Chanel

sad as sad can be

i - i don't know what to do now well Chanel and Maddy stopped talking to me the first two friends in my life and now there gone well now i kinda know how Ryan rolls feels. they were the first i played with them more then any other friend i have and now their gone just like that my two sisters gone. me and Chanel were having a well a fight kinda for almost 2 years fighting well we weren't fighting i don't know how to describe it lets just stick with fighting. well lets just say that i wanted something and she wanted something different from what i wanted so the fight was around that the mane aspect of the fight was about me moving on from are childhood friendship which was 9 years ago you would think i would of moved on by now and i have. I'm just thing back because of the fun memories and isn't that why people are still friend to this day is because of These memories. I'm still friends with Sam Megan because of these memories and we hardly talk about the past because there is no need for it we talk about whats happening now like Sam and Megan are in school which is vary cool and we don't talk about back then . so Chanel keeps on saying move on from are childhood friendship which i already did and i told her this but she keped on saying it over and over and honestly do you think I'm thinking about that at this point no I'm thinking about right then i wasn't thinking about the past not even a little bit i was focusing on what was happening right then and right then we were fighting about valuing our friendship move on from are childhood friendship that's it. i wanted to come to a compromise so we could move on but that's not what happened Chanel wanted it her and no other way if we did compromise thing would of gone alot better well she doesn't care that's what she said and that's what made me the most sad. i don't care hearing that from a person i  care about  really makes me want to cry